Interview with Tim by Hieronymous Borscht
Location – the cave at the top of the mountain, somewhere in the 21st century

It is a bare place. Tim greets me at the entrance with a silent bow and offers me a cup of pale pink tea. Is it my imagination, a trick of the candlelight or does its surface glow weirdly? As I look around I notice there is little here for comfort. The only concessions to a modern lifestyle are a dog-eared collection of the works of Philip K Dick and an assortment of artefacts from the dawn of synthesiser technology, strewn across the floor in various stages of undress...

• Please state your name for the record.

We are the last four surviving members of the radium88.

• What is the meaning of the 8?

Of Eights, two there are. Seen from a certain perspective it is the sign of Mobius, the simple representation of the infinite, the eternal within the material, that which we laughingly call the real world. It is the still point, the perfect moment between everything going pear-shaped. It is two tear-drops kissing. It is almost but not quite a bow-tie.

• What is this place?

You are in the very place that we call The Observatory. It is our laboratory, where we apply Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle to Music and Language.

• What is your sign?

Our sign is Please Do Not Feed the Badger.

• What is the question?

The question is not How it is Why and even If.

• What is it that you seek?

It is the place where they keep the Answers.

• What do you fear?

I fear intelligence from which the soul has been cast out, an army of invented selves marching as to war with the unerring certainty of mechanism, boots raised to trample the face of humanity, shrieking their metallic battle-cry – Surrender, Monkeys!

• Is that all?

and giant pants.

• I beg your pardon?

Great big giant nine foot high pants, striding up the hill towards you in the dark! The horror, the horror…..

• They're not being worn by a giant badger are they?

Now you're just being silly.

• Is surrealism really the only realism?

Was it not Pascal who said that men are so inevitably mad that not to be mad would give a mad twist to madness?

• What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Ah…The question itself contains the answer but the one who seeks must listen more closely – What is the sound of one hand? – Flapping!

• You have shown that music exists to bring peace and enlightenment. Why then does yours sample both J Edgar Hoover and the leader of the Aryan Nations?

Contrary to the teachings of Adam Ant I believe that ridicule is indeed something to be scared of. Chesterton said “the fool is like a fantastic dancing flame lighting up the features and furniture of the dark house of death.” The tyrant fears laughter above all things.

• Why do you mix up different kinds of music?

All boundaries are illusory. Yet those there are who still wish for strict segregation. Narrow of mind are they, and straight in thought. Our research has shown that free intermingling produces spontaneous releases of positive energy in the form of WPR particles.

• What are these WPR particles?

Weird Pink Radiation. They arise from an energy field which surrounds all living things.

• That sounds a bit like The Force.

Wisely have you spoken. Much like The Force it is. Only Pink.

• I see.

and……..Weird. The truth at the heart of the matter, however, is this. Of kinds of music but two there are. Music you mean and music you don't mean. We try only to do the first kind.

• When shall you next leave this cave?

We shall very soon begin our travels. None shall know of our coming, yet there shall we be, performing random acts of senseless kindness and decency amongst you. Evil will spontaneously combust and everywhere will be filled with light and harmony.

• Do you ever consider hanging up your robe and going on holiday like normal people?

Our work is key to the survival of your planet. This means that even our leisure is designed to further our research. This year, for instance we experimented on classic songs from yesteryear, applying the Uncertainty Principle. Matt left his Part in San Francisco , which explains the mystery of our current more electronic direction. Jema did indeed Stand by her Spam and I went Down to Alabama with my Badger on my Knee. Clare did not go anywhere this year. She is still saving up.

• Why is that?

She's buying a Stairway to Devon . It's quite a long way so she's going to need a really big one.

• Do you have any last words of advice?

Be wary of Angry Penguins, Unnatural Yoghurt, do not follow the Donut Eating War Badger, and always remember what Nietsche forgot to mention - whatever kills us makes us dead.

• How is it all going to end?

It will all end at the very moment when everybody least